Thursday, 30 December 2010

The Scientist

It's 3:41am...
& I can't sleep, at all. I'm giving myself a headache, and getting disgusting skin because I'm so sleep deprived.
Still can't seem to sleep though. Not until a ridiculous hour, and then I waste half the day. And for the other half of the day I feel like shit.

All because I'm led here, staring at my screen and Music Man's online.
And I can't bring myself to even speak to him.
But all I can do is think about him.
And I want to tell him everything, anything. Just to talk to him.

Now I feel sick.




I'm laughing at myself, thought I had 1 follower, then just realised it was myself. GREEEAAAT. ;)

Anyway, this is what I'm listening to right now;

She is amazing, but hasn't done any recent youtube videos, sob sob. But oh well, hopefully soon.
I'm being good today, blogging n' all! Shay Carl will remind me to blog every day...because I watch his videos everyday haha. He just recieved his Christmas bonus from youtube...a macbook air. How amazing is that? I'm tres jealous.
What a lucky lucky man.

Do you think it's fair that the music man has officially ended it with me but still proceeds to talk to me as if we are still 'together?' I don't get it. He's a headfuck, but I'm trying my hardest to ignore it.
Anyway, enough of him.
My best friend saw this guy I used to be really good friends with in town today. That's a complicated sentence to understand.
He was basically one of my best guy-mates but I didn't see him very often...I'll call him Pokeman. ;) See what I did there? Yeah he likes pokemon, that's why. 
He used to go to university near where I live and I met him a few times for drinks and lunch but nothing came of it, we were just really good friends. The kind of friends that tell anything to each other and trust each other with anything. I was pretty lucky to have him, I thought. 
But anyway, I'll try and cut this short because it's a horrid story, but it started when he got kicked out of uni in his second year for bad results, so had to move back home to Lincolnshire. 
He then got a girlfriend in Bath so came to visit occasionally but I could never see him.
His girlfriend then became aware of our friendship and was really wary of me. She seemed a bit crazy if you ask me...but I'm not on the right side of her to see what she is really like if you see what I mean. 
She prevented him from speaking to me, he even deleted me from Facebook. But I didn't notice this for a while, when I did I asked him all about it and he told me the truth. I was soo gutted. But he said he missed me and we could just chat without her knowing. 
But I still felt odd about it.
Then whilst I was at uni he arranged to come and see me after he had seen her in Bath. I didn't say no because after all, I did want to see him! 
I just felt a bit bad because his girlfriend had absolutely no idea.
But anyway, he came, and it was really amazing to see him again and to catch up properly. Although he was telling me odd things about how he thought him and his girlfriend were close to breaking up etc. 
Stupidly, we got a bit drunk but then he had to catch his train so it was a slight relief.
(I've just realised I can't tell a story and make it short, useless! Ah well)
He was drunk, I was sliiightly tipsy and he kept hugging me and holding my hand. I didn't mind, I just thought it was friendly. Until he tried to kiss me. I very nearly went to kiss him back but didn't. I had the instant thought of his girlfriend (who already obviously hated my guts) and couldn't do it, and couldn't let him do it, because I knew he would regret it. 
So I stopped him, but it was okay, it wasn't awkward and he left after giving me a kiss on the head.
To be honest, I was happy for him to go and felt relieved nothing had happened.
That night there was a bit of trouble with trains and he missed his one home so had to stay over mine the night but that's just a small minor detail, nothing happened, he slept on my floor and left as soon as he woke up. It was slightly odd. 
Anyway, after his girlfriend not knowing anything, she read his twitter for the first time. And found out he had come to visit me, and had written he loved me etc (nothing serious, just friendly). 
She took it the completely wrong way (apparently) and had a go at him. But in the end gave in and said it was okay...suppose she was scared of losing him? I don't know.
But eventually it came down to me being home at the same time he was visiting his girlfriend for her birthday.
I was going out for my friend's birthday in the same town he was going out.
He found out I was going out and told me that he was too. I got excited that I'd be able to see him until he told me he would 'probably have to ignore me' if he saw me out because he would be with his girlfriend.
I was so gutted, I had a full on strop and screamed/texted him how I felt about it all. That it was shit basically. Shit that he had to 'ignore' me because of his screwed up jealous girlfriend. 
& shit that he would even think of doing that to me.
So after that, we didn't speak and still havn't spoken. And that was in July.
A few weeks after I had an email from his girlfriend, I couldn't believe the cheek of it...

It was her basically asking me if me and Pokeman had ever been more than just good friends. She had already asked him and he had told her the truth but she still had to ask me. I couldn't believe it, I felt sick when I read it but didn't reply. I was not going to give her the satisfaction. 
About 5 minutes later I recieved another email saying that the previous email had been a mistake and to just ignore it.
How the hell could I ignore something like that?
I was fuming, and so tempted to tell him what she had sent me. But I didn't.
I just left it, and that's the last I heard from them. 
It's ridiculous.
Their relationship is ridiculous if she is that insecure.
Also, ever since she started reading his twitter, in every tweet he'll say he loves her. It's pathetic. 
Never have the words 'man up' been more appropriate. 

There you go, another pointless story. 


Wednesday, 29 December 2010

I'd Like To Get To Know You Baby...

Merry one :) 
I still love writing this even though no one is reading it, although it would be nice to have a few anon readers who don't know me and vice versa. But the difficult thing is, I have absolutely no idea how to 'advertise' my blog to get some interest in what I am writing.
I'm not sure if it would be appreciated by any one or offer any one some comfort or empathisism. 
(If that's a word) 

I'm at home for Christmas at the moment and going completely insane. I havn't got a job over the holidays and havn't been able to get any where because of the snow and seeing family so cabin fever is kicking in!
I thought maybe writing on this every day from now on can be my small release from the house and the family secretly driving me crazy. You know what I mean!

I've been keeping myself busy with Grey's Anatomy and plenty of films. But Grey's is my main release.
It's amazing how emotionally involved you can become by just watching a television programme. I was the same with Brothers and Sisters. It's very odd. But if you watch it, you will probably know what I mean.
It's a huuuuge emotional rollarcoaster and I absolutely looooove it. I fully recommend it, I've been watching it from the first series online for like a year haha! But it's so worth it. I'm on the 6th series and watch atleast 2 episodes every night. Sad I know! But oh well, it's my love. 

So New Years is coming up and I'm thinking of New Years resolutions...
My number one resolution would obviously be blogging my often, maybe every day!
I've been watching a vlog by Shay Carl and 'The Shaytards' and it's so amazing and hooks you immediately, and he finds time in his day to film him and his family and upload it to youtube for his followers. So I'm thinking it must be even easier to write a few paragraphs every day and upload it for no one ;). So I will try my hardest!
Another resolution is to lose weight, I think I secretly promise myself this every single year, and never keep my own promise. So this year, I will share my weight loss on this blog. Just so I can see myself how far I can actually get and try to succeed! We'll see... fingers crossed.
Another resolution is to take my university work more seriously. I havn't been pushing myself and trying hard enough to succeed to get the grades that I need to move into the 3rd year of my degree. So I pledge to push myself harder and get the grade I deserve. 
Now this last one is odd, and I've been leaning more towards it over the past few weeks, and it's to find somebody to love. I even feel like a prick typing it, but I feel like I really need someone in my life that isn't a friend or family member. I need someone special in my life that I can tell absolutely anything to, and someone that I want to spend every waking minute with. It's odd to try and make a promise to myself that I will find somebody. Because obviously you can't push yourself to find that one person. But I want to atleast put myself out there to try and meet somebody that could potentially be important to me. It's also hard to think about because I'm one of those people that think's there is somebody out there for everybody, and everyone will eventually meet 'The One'. But I want this year to be my year. And I want to look back on this blog and believe I achieved everything I set out to do. Even if some of them don't go to plan.

So I guess we will see what 2011 will bring... 


Music Man...

So it's been another stupid amount of time since I've blogged...again...I'm really shit at this hah.
But here we go again. I thought of a name for the guy I described in my last blog, Music Man.
So if he's ever mentioned again (which I'm sure he will be) he will be called Music Man, so you (no one) will know who the hell I am talking about.
When other 'characters' come into my blogs I will also give them fake nick names to relate to them rather than using their real names.
Just so there's a tiny bit of mystery as to who I am and who I am actually talking about, even if it is all real.


Sunday, 21 November 2010

To Lose My Life

Weird that this song is playing just as I am about to post to's a song that will always always allllways remind me of someone, well, a guy. A really special guy. That I've actually never met, which is still weird to say.
He's probably one of the few people that actually mean the world to me. Our whole relationship has been a massive rollercoaster... 
We started talking on myspace (can you believe it) a few years back, and I didn't think anything of it at the time...because...well, because it was myspace of course! Hah. 
At first, it was amazing and we spoke ALL the time, and I mean all the time, online, texting and then I would be the one to call him nearly every single night, and we'd just talk for hours and never run out of anything to say, and maybe the odd moment when we'd go quiet, he'd start to play guitar, and I honestly could of listened to it for hours.
I hate writing in past tense about guys, it's so depressing and unmeaningful, if thats even a word!
So yesss...where was I?
We spoke for hours and hours, day after day, and never got bored of each other. It seemed too good to be true seeing as he only lived 20 minutes down the road, and I could of gone to see him whenever I liked.
So, one day, we arranged to meet. I'm not going to lie here, I was terrified.
I've met a few guys from the internet and actually had relationships with them (back in the myspace emo days) but this seemed to mean more, and seemed to make more sense than ever before, and that scared the living crap out of me.
The problem was I was really falling for this guy, and he was telling me that he had fallen for me.
And here's me, being so stupid, and doing something that I would always go on to regret.
For a couple of weeks we were set on meeting up in Swindon (where he lived) and everytime we spoke about it I got more and more excited, but as soon as it drew closer I started to become nervous, and anxious about everything.
Going round in my head were thoughts of; he's not going to like me in person, I'm not going to like him, it's not going to be the same as it has been over the phone or online, what if he doesn't turn up? What if he DOES genuinely like me? The last thought was probably the scariest. And I still have no idea why.
It's a weird concept in my mind that a guy would ever like me, and would ever want to be with me.
Don't get me wrong, I've had boyfriends before, but they've never meant as much as I think they should...if you see what I mean?
So you're with me?
I was petrified basically.
And me, being me, I followed my head instead of my heart and told him I couldn't meet up with him, I made up some wretched excuse and apologised prefusely and in the end he gave up trying to convince me. 
Wow that was long-winded.
Even though I did bail on him, he still kept in contact with me...and we spoke everyday, nothing changed. Then came around when he asked me to meet again. And I dreaded it, because I still had the same feelings in my head. And I couldn't ever just admit my feelings to him, even though by this time, I had told a guy I'd never met that I loved him, and I meant it.

I said I would meet him again, god knows why, it was a stupid idea. Because, yet again, I didn't go through with it, I felt sick to my stomach with what I was doing to him. He was so hurt and upset and this time I knew I had fucked everything up. He wasn't going to budge and I couldn't prove myself to him. He needed the truth and I still couldn't give it to him, so I had to make something else up to provide an excuse for him... 
He couldn't take anymore, and I knew exactly why, I would of been exactly the same. 

A few weeks past and we didn't speak, I felt so lost without him, like a piece of me was missing, that sounds incredibly cheesy but it's true, and I'd admit that part.
It was during the summer, and all I saw all over his facebook was that he was going out, getting wasted, and doing nothing else. With Reading festival coming up, I was really worried..when one night, (at Reading) I had a text from him, telling me he would always love me. When the weekend was over I plucked up the courage to call him and try to talk. He spoke, but he was in another world, he told me about how he had been to loads of house parties, got completely wrecked, tryed cocaine, and just sat there...swaying. I was so shocked, he had never really spoken to me about him using drugs or even drinking that much. So when he told me I couldn't even speak. But when I could, I basically screamed down the phone, telling him off.
I was so scared he was going to do it again, he apologised and said it was everything with us that drove him to it. I still don't believe him. 

After another few weeks of talking constantly again, he seemed to be back to his normal, sane self. And we were enjoying eachothers chats again. Then we decided to meet, and this time I was ready. I wasn't going to fuck everything up for us again. He had told me this was our last chance. I was detirmined to meet him, and see what we had with each other. Only this time, there was a real emergency and I couldn't make it.
Obviously, for him, it was like the boy that cried fox. 
I was heartbroken, and inconsolable that I couldn't meet him, and trying to explain to him was impossible. He had no idea what was really going on and couldn't take my word for it. So once again we were back to that dark place.

All I can really remember after that, was him getting the sack from his job, going on the dol, being severely depressed, then deciding to move to Norfolk with his Mum. I was gutted. Even though we weren't speaking, and he had deleted my facebook, my number, everything. I still checked on his facebook every so often. I told him I deleted his number too, but I didn't.
Then another detail I remember is him seeing some girl called Katie. It makes me feel sick even talking about it now, this is when he decided to add me back to facebook.
Told me he never loved me, and just said it because he felt like he should say it back. When I corrected him and told him he was the first to say 'I love you.'
I'd never felt so low, his words were soooo cutting, and I didn't think I felt anything for him anymore. 
Not so much, until I knew about Katie.
I was heartbroken...that's all there is to it.
If he spoke to me on facebook I knew he would try and get Katie into the conversation somehow, just to make me feel more shit than I did already. He was spiteful like that, and it was humiliating.

A few months passed by and it carried on, but I just decided to ignore it and get on with Uni. 
After not hearing from him for a while, he popped up on facebook chat and decided to tell me he missed me.
The words I'd been wanting to hear for months...but decided not to take it to heart and be as cold with him as he was to me.

But...I'll just say he's always going to have a place in my heart and we went back to the way we used to.
Now, however, after everything, he's settled in Norfolk, in a band, at college, and loving it.
And I couldn't be happier for him, but we seem to have run out of things to say. 
It's horrendous even thinking about not having him in my life, even if he is an arrogant, miserable prick most of the time. 
I love him, and sometimes you just can't help who you fall for. 

Right now, we're 'on a break'...his decision, but my only words were...'why are we on a break? we hardly speak anyway'
I guess we both need to figure out what we want.
But I still want to meet him, and get to know the real Music Man.


Saturday, 20 November 2010

Your Song

One word for how I'm feeling, blargh because I said I would try and write in this blog everyday. Something to keep me going, and something I could actually complete every day.
And I can't even do that?!
I can't even take the time out of my (not so) busy lifestyle so sit at my laptop and write shit about what has happened to me in the last 24 hours, hah. Really...fuck my life.

Blargh because I'm at home for the weekend from Uni and don't want to go back.
Blargh because uni is starting to hack me off.
Blargh because my housemates are starting to hack me off.
Thank god no one reads these because no one actually knows any of this. ha.
Is it bad that I feel like I can't talk to any one about this? I had a drunken heart to heart with my housemate but he doesn't get it. I blubbed for hours, probably because I was fucked. But it doesn't matter, because the truth came out, and that was that. Nothing happened, nothing changed.

The only time I love uni is when I go out...or when I'm with the people that aren't my housemates, weird huh?
When it's just us 5 in our house, they annoy me. And I feel like I need to go and sit in my room, on my own and just chillax incase I shout at one of them for being annoying.
Ughhh, everything is coming out now hah.
I've come home the last couple of weekends because of all of it, I've made up excuses to come back like I said I would go to see Harry Potter with my cousin this weekend, which I did...but still...I think I  would have come home anyway, just to get away from it all.

Apparently this is the time of year that students either decide to stay or leave university. And I am inconsolably torn, I never thought it would happen to me. When I'm there, I love it. But sometimes there are obvious tensions and I really cannot be bothered with it. I also have times where I think that I can't cope with the workload, and it's really not for me. But what can I do?
I'm going to stick it out. I couldn't even bring myself to tell my Mum I'm having troubles...let alone tell her that I think I'm going to drop out. She'd be heartbroken. She loves gloating to her friends that I'm at university and I fend for my funds and everything myself etc. Which, I'm not gonna lie, I really love! And I'd miss my Mum and Dad being proud of me. It's a really nice feeling, it would be for anyone.

It's just coming home feels amazing right now, probably because this term is so long, and you don't get a break from anything. Also working with about 328947394 different groups for different modules is so draining and confusing sometimes.
I sound like such a bloody moaner.
And I hate that, probably why I'm moaning here instead of actually to people's faces.

It feels better to type it all out though, bit of a weight off my shoulders knowing I'm actually coming face-to-face with what I'm feeling rather than trying to hide it ALL the time.

I'm so set on Christmas right now, that's all I'm aiming for, waiting to finish this term in a few weeks and come home for an amazing Christmas with the family.
But until then I'm just going to struggle through, because that's what you do when you have a problem isn't it?
You power through, and carry on.
'Keep Calm & Carry On'

Maybe I should just remember that quote from now on and it will get me through til the end of this year.

Thankyou blogger for letting me vent.

Saturday, 25 September 2010

Shine A Light

Not written for a while, not been around really, had work monday-wednesday...was going to pack everything for uni in between my shifts but my immune system decided to fail so I spent the time I had not at work, in bed. Exciting stuff. But then on thursday I manned up and went to cheltenham for a messy night out with my best friend and her uni mates. Got back today (saturday) and am about to get ready for my other best friend's 21st birthday partttyy. Bit excited to say the least, wish everyone else was as 'up for it' as I am...b'ah well. We'll see what happens won't we :) 
I hope I'm not the only one that may as well get battered. Seeing as tomorrow I am packing my whole bedroom up and moving back down to Winch (excited much??!?!)
Havn't packed a thing and I'm going tomorrow, what a failure. Oh well, will be a fun day...

Can't wait to celebrate tonight with some fizz, making some shapes and cry laughing :) I can expect that.
Happy Birthday my darling Beth (even though you won't read this)


Sunday, 19 September 2010

Hummingbird Heartbeat

Just on another 3 hour break from work until I go back tonight, completely buzzing because I only have 3 DAYS LEFTTTT. Cannot wait to finish there and go on a well-earned bender in Cheltenham...should be good!
Had an hilarious family eating lunch today in the pub, so chavvy, one of them was wearing his Man U shirt to lunch with such pride. He proceeded to answer his phone every 10 minutes with his mate telling him the football score.
Couldn't help but chuckle to myself watching his Mum rolling her eyes at him everytime he shouted down the phone and then annouced the score to the table.
Bless them.

You see some of the funniest things working in many little things people say make me laugh. For example there was an older couiple today, having lunch, and having a chat about the night before, the blokey was convinced they had a late night. Saying 'it were about 10 o clock when I fell asleep with the lights on! can't believe i lasted that long, good enit?' along with his really strong wiltshire accent, it just sounded hilarious, when his wife was just full of enthusiasm, 'mm, your dinner!' ahahah. So funny.

If you ask any one of my friends you'll know that I have a weird thing about old people, I absolutely LOVE them. They're lovely, and nutty, and angry at everything!
Every one of them is different, they're either the loveliest person like you'll ever meet and treat you like you are their grandchild. Or babbling to pidgeons on the street. Or just so angry at everything they can't even crack a smile. I love them all. :) My favourite kind are old couples that are still so in love, still holding hands after god knows how many years, I hope I'm like that when I'm old and decrepid.



Saturday, 18 September 2010

Look For Me

OH ANDDD, yesterday my cousin came to stay...he's in the army and is based in Germany, but is on a course in Warminster at the moment so he's staying here at the weekends. Always nice to have him back, he's like an older brother to me, and best mates with my younger brother, so it's nice that Liam can spend some time with him.
Anyhoo, he told me (after about 10 minutes of being with him) that his fiance is 12 weeks late! (period duh!) Usually I'd be shitting myself for him, but I was geniunely happy and excited at the prospect of him becoming a Dad...he'd make an amazing Dad, and he really wants kids! So I hope it works out...
Also, he told me that if they are to have children, Nick is to pick the Godmother and Trisha, his fiance, is to pick the Godfather. So he told me that I would be his first choice Godmother. I nearly welled up, but kept it together, punched him in the arm and told him that it was amazing!
Who was I kidding? I was over the moon!


Dangerously In Love

I always wonder why people would ever want to talk to me on msn/ responses are mostly just one word and lol or haha. or a smiley face. I literally don't have anything interesting to say unless it's on the phone or face-to-face. Unless I'm talking to Jen...we could talk for hours on the net....only because we rip the piss into any one we come across...or we reminise A LOT. Going through old comments on myspace is my absolute favourite thing to do when I'm bored, so hilarious how we all used to emos, then chavs, then somehow normal?!
Well I say normal...piss-head students. :)

I'm talking to this guy right this second, and he proceeds to tell me all about his day, not asking me a single question...this makes me even more quiet and 'cba'ish! That's the only way I can describe it to be honest. But he'll just carry on even I'm just saying 'okay' or 'yeah' or 'lol'. Idiot!

Anyhoo enough of venting to no one.
Just on my 3 hour break from work...working all weekend is making me want to jab something into my hand so that I don't actually have to do it. It's rank, and Cheffy Jim isn't there for a bit of bant. Ughhhh.
God I moan a lot, ah well. So does everybody else.

I ordered a dress the other day, and immediately felt guilty...that's what being a student does to  you. Money is like gold dust, and should be saved for drinking. Not dresses. But I thought I'd buy a new'un for my best friend Beth's 21st in a week. £40.00...but it's okay because I made that back in tips this week. That's the bonus of having a pub/restaurant job I suppose!

So next week, I'm supposed to squeeze; working, last night out with work lot, a few days in Cheltenham, packing and heading back to Winchester...not sure how I'm going to manage...should of finished work this week to be honest! But oh well, should be a hellllaaa fun week


Thursday, 16 September 2010

Say You Don't Want It

Just thought I'd write a quickie whilst my nails are drying...Blueberry by Barry M is beauuutiful, my go-to at the moment. Enough of my jibber jabber. I have the worst headache ever, didn't sleep much and my little head was thinking way to hard and fast for my still is! Muddle muddle.
But it's okay, I have my best headache cure coming my way today, get to see my bitches! (Jenny & Mouse)
Isn't it funny how one little phonecall...I say little (two hours...) can change your mind about someone. And fuck your head up beyond belief? :)
Light note to leave you with! 


Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Black & Gold

I have a feeling this blog is just me rambling like an insane old lady remembering the 'good times' so I'll mix it up a bit and tell you a bit about yesterday and todayyy. 

So yesterday, it was vileee weather, so I decided to just have a dvd day with Smithy (my pooch...our pets are named after characters on Gavin & Stacey haha) 
We watched The Boat That Rocked, which has theee most amazing soundtrack ever, and the best cast! Such a good movie, and I realised that Tom from Mcfly's girlfriend Giovanna Falcone is in it! (If you havn't already guessed I'm a huge mcfly fan!)
Theeen I put on The Notebook, I swear I loaned it to someone ages ago and never had it back, that or, I can't find it in my shit pit I call a bedroom :). Such a good feel-good romantic movie, and probably a go-to for soooo many of us girls on a rainy day! 
Next was Nights In Rodanthe which I'd never seen before and reaaally wanted to see ages ago after seeing the trailer. It really didn't disappoint, it was suuuch a lovely movie, but had an unexpected sad ending which put a dampner on things! But seriously, older man; Richard Gere...phwoar! I don't know what it is, I think it's all the films he has been in just makes him irresistable to all women! Definitely a silver fox...once you get to know me, you'll find out I'm pretty much obsessed with men...HA. And I lust over sooo many celebrities!

I had work, which you already know I won't bore you with that, then on the way home from work I had a cheeky fag and phoned my friend Liam...well I say friend, but we're always a bit more than that...he's a lovely guy, with the temperament of a bull. Which if I'm honest, puts me off him a lot. But you know how girls say there is always that one guy that you go back to and that you always compare other guys with...he's like that. Well actually I have two guys like that, but he's always the one I go back to, and the one I can vent to and share anything with, I fell for him, he fell for me, we broke each other's hearts probably more than once, but we still end up telling each other we love each other in the end. At the moment it's a lovely relationship to have but at times it can be really straining. We're not together but at times he can get really jealous and pushes me away without realising it. But he is beginning to realise what he's doing and it isn't so often any more and he is a lot more chilled. It's just nice to have a guy there for support whenever I need him, he's there for me a lot and I appreciate it so much. 
Aftttter, I came home and watched 'This is England '86' - probably one of my favourites on television at the moment...joint with The Inbetweeners of course. The movie of This is England was a bit despressing and violent but this series is a lot more light-hearted, funny and endearing. It actually makes me want to go back to the 80's! The fashion, music and lifestyles are hilarious and outrageous! I love itttt.

& last night I started this horrideous blogging that has got me hooked, and no one's even reading it... :)



Wow, very long blogpost, probably bored you half to death but that was the majority of my summer, great huh?
And now you know why I want to go back to uni so much, when I say it to my mum she looks at me as if to say 'Oh whyyyy?' :( but it has nothing to do with home or the's just to do with getting away from my shitty job haha. She should know that, I vent most with her!

Another amazing part of this summer has to be my best friends, they complete me, literally! If I didn't see any of them atleast once a week I'd go insane. 
Atleast once a week, or at a stretch two weeks, we have got together and had a few too many tipples.
They make me laugh like a loon on loon tablets and I love them very very very much.
Jenny is my best of best friends, we're so similar it's scary sometimes, like we can finish each others sentences and know how each other are going to react to different things. 
Our facebook wall-to-wall is full of links to things we both adore, for example, men, mcfly, cute photos and videos etc...and also full of private jokes and quotes from nights we've got drunk and acted insania. 
It's so lovely having best friends that you can just be yourself around and never have to watch what you're saying. Our sense of humour is identical and we know how to make each other rofl even just chatting on the internet or texting! We're soooo odd, but it suits us well haha. We've nearly known each other for like 10 years...when we hit that date we're going to have an anniversairy party ;)!
Other bestest friend is Mouse, we became good friends in year 11 and throughout sixth form when there was a little group of us. Our group consisted of; me, Jen, Mouse, Fi, Beth and Jess...and a lesbian that followed sometimes. We used to cause havoc in the common room and skip lessons we didn't fancy going to. 
'The Alley' is my favourite past time, this is where we'd go and smoke our lungs out between lessons and even during ones we're supposed to be of our English teachers even used to come and join us. We spurred each other on with smoking I think because we all did it, we all just carried on. 
And it was when we'd all get together at lunch and have a good laugh about something.
In the summer we used to go and lie on the field by the skate park just a bit further away from the school, skip the rest of our lessons for the day, get lunch, smoke, chat, and laugh about the most random things you could ever think of.
Our group were sort of in between the 'greebs' and the 'chavs' ahaha, that's what we like to think anyways. Inbetweeners if you please. 

Beth was the first of us all to pass her driving test and had a turqouise coloured little micra, it was heaven for us, we used to skip lessons, and go to subway, maccie d's, sainsbury's or pizza hut! Definitely had a blast in sixth form haha, we never really used to work very hard...and were always the ones getting screamed at by our head-of-years, Bolter and Kingan...giggling behind our books, I've never had so much fun!
We piled about 7 of us once in Beth's little car and managed to go to Chips n Ham and back without any injuries, we used to SCREAM, and I mean screeeeeam 'My Heart will go on' out of Beth's windows to passers by. So so so funny, we all reminiscse about it now! 
I used to cry with laughter every single day in sixth form. And whenever we get together now we still do, even remembering silly little things!

I like entertaining myself by remembering silly things


Dog Days Are Over

Realllyyy enjoying this blogging malarkey, it's quite nice having something to do with my day other than staring at a blank screen just WAITING to get back to uni, only 11 days left, and counting.
Don't get me wrong, I love home, but it's been the best part of 4 months and full-time work is beginning to grate on me. Who am i kidding 'beginning..' haha!  It's been the worst part about summer, unwanted stress and silly little girls begging for attention off the nearest person. Or should I say girl. Not naming names, I've never hated someone so much in allllll my 20 years haha.

Maybe I should talk you through my not-so-eventful summer...
I finished uni towards the end of June and decided with everyone from uni that we were going to see each other regularly and go to festivals and a week away in you do...none of it happened! The four of us are studying events management but couldn't actually plan anything if we tried. We have some amazing ideas for us to go out and do, but we never actually get round to doing them haha. Useless some might say!
So...we have basically spoken every single day throughout the summer and have organised to book a week in Newquay, but we never actually got around to doing that either so we didn't go, but we say we're going to do it ALL next year ;)! We shall see if our organising skills improve somewhat.
I started working from the beginning of July at the pub I've worked at since I was 14/15. It's an incredibly cushty job, and I'm not the first to admit it, the hours can be a bit shit but when you want a day off here and there, you get it, which is a lot to say for a 30-hrs-a-week kind of job.
The reason it's cushty for me is because it's just around the corner and I get £6 an hour for having a bit of a laugh with some mates!
Well, that's how it started off anyway, I knew everyone from when I was back working there at Easter, and that helped a lot as we all got on. Plus, one of my best mates from the previous times I'd worked there was back full time for good, which was good, as we get on so well and can have a laugh together constantly. So that was an extra bonus!
After a few weeks it started to crumble (not my friendship with this guy, Cheffy Jim, shall we call him?) but the actual working thing.
I work with the most attention-seeking little bitch you could ever meet, using any excuse she could in the books to shed a tear and get ANY ONE to sympathize for her, I'm not going to lie, I fell for it once or twice myself in the beginning until it started to bug me.
How can any one be that selfish? Bringing their horrendous home life into a working situation where everyone just wants to come, work, have a laugh and go home without any attachments.
After a few weeks, she really started to bug me, and a lot of others, it was going around that she was telling a lot of lies and bedding a lot of guys that she shouldn't of. I won't go any further into that but you get the jist I'm sure.

She was living with one of my mates Louise who also worked with us all, and they got a long just fine until the cracks began to show, and Louise started getting as equally pissed off as me at her eratic behaviour, for example, one day she would be your best friend and the next, not say a single word to you. That kind of thing pisses me off no end, complete fake.

So to conclude in her silly little behaviour, one night she was asking constantly to leave early from work, she was tired, I was tired, we were all bloody tired. In the end she had to ask us all if it was okay, I didn't say a word and just walked off so she left any way. After she left me and Louise kicked up a fuss to the other Chef, Nicky. Nicky then decided she let Becky go because Becky was bugging her so much she just wanted her out of her face, which I completely understood. But then annoyances just came to the surface with a lot of people and we would not back down. Later that night I was speaking to Louise on facebook and we were having a complete bitch about what a knob she was etc...couldn't get enough of venting my problems with her, and in the end set a status about how annoyed I was, as did Louise.  Thinking nothing of it, I left it and went to bed, the next day I had a wake up call from Nicky telling me Louise had walked out of work and had quit because the bosses were accusing her of bullying.
They had been on mine and Louise's facebooks and taken what we had said and blown it out of proportion, as soon as I got into work that day, I too got a talking to from the bosses and was fuming. I didn't say a word though, I kept my head down, apologised and went back to work, after all, I was desperate for the money and couldn't give it up, however much I wanted to.
They accused me of being a bully, and said it was obvious to them that this was about a certain member of staff. The day went on and I was getting increasingly annoyed.
Annoying little cretin girl came in and made a fuss by crying in the kitchen, I just kept my back to her and didn't say a word, she obviously knew what we had said. But who can blame us? It was only the truth, and I still don't regret it to this day.
Later that day I was told to have a 'chat' with annoying little cretin girl to 'clear the air' or whatever. We sat down together, I told her some hometruths, she cried, I felt bad, as I always do -- although I know I shouldn't of, which annoyed me further. I told her exactly what I thought of her, and she explained what a hard life she had, which I admit she has had, but to milk it THAT much. It was nothing to do with her 'hard life', it was about HER, and her shitty little attitude towards everyone. That's what pissed me off the most. I don't get on with people that believe they're better than others because they have the sympathy vote. Nasty, but so so so true.
I gave her a hug, and that was that. Although til very recently, we've bared each other and had chats and had a bit of a laugh. But nothing's never the same is it?
I was annoyed that she was the reason Louise didn't have a job (Louise also kicked her out of her house, which was totally understandable, I don't know how she lasted that long with her in her house). And I was annoyed that she was still getting attention for being a little brat. I was, and still am very bitter about what happened.
I've recently been told that my bosses have used evidence from MY facebook page and have sent it to Louise's lawyers to prove we were 'bullying' in the workplace. When the pub or the person were not even mentioned. I wasn't told they were doing this, and still havn't been told, Nicky was the one to tell me all about it and that just pissed me off even further...but I didn't do anything about it. Correct me if I'm wrong but surely they cannot do that and get away with it? It's unjust and invading someone's privacy.
A few weeks later a girl I used to work with YEARS ago has come back to work at the pub, (this is like last week, it's that recent) she's a good mate and I trust her and her judgement. She doesn't like cretin from what she has heard about her and what she knows about her now. She told me cretin has been telling her that she 'doesn't know whether to trust Alex' (me). Charlie (the new but old girl) told me all about it, thank God, and I havn't been able to speak to cretin since. I think if I speak to her I'll actually scream and shout at her, she deserves everything she got from us and I don't regret a thing. Anyday now I'll probably get dragged up to the office and asked why I am not talking to cretin, because she confides to the bosses about us ALL the time. So we end up getting the blame, and they do nothing but stick up for her...UGHHH. So when that time comes, I have 9 days left there, I'm not exactly going to stay!

I think it's safe to say I won't be going back there in the future...however easily accessible it is pour moi!


Something Special

I'm not too sure of the maximum/minimum number of words a blogpost should be, and I don't think there actually is one, which is nice not having to create an upload of crap just to hit a target, much like a lot of my assignments for university.

I'm at University in Winchester, and I have absolutely, head over heels, fallen in love with this place and the people. It's an amazing city and so beautiful, as are the people I have met there!
In my first year I decided to study Journalism and Events Management...the latter I love, but the Journalism side of the course I hated so so so much, I had a lecturer that just mumbled and always looked like he had just rolled out of bed and had a shot of whiskey...he probably had come to think of it.
In Journalism, there were two lecturers, and they couldn't be more different, one was the one that I just described to you...and the other a gorgeous older Irish man, known as 'hot irish lecturer' who just mesmerized me by his voice (although I still wasn't listening properly ha!) I don't know any girl that isn't a sucker for the Irish accent, and it just meltttted me, honestly couldn't help falling a little bit in love with my lecturer and have some wicked fantasies! Haha, I joke I joke!
Before I get carried away I'll carry on, it was evident from the start that there was a huge divide in our lecture group, so evident in fact that we sat on different sides of the room, so hilarious to watch where people would go and sit. There was the left side of the room, that included myself and my best friend. This side was the side that, honestly, couldn't give a shit about Rousseau and his silly philosophies. We'd spend the whole lecture drawing silly pictures and those love calculation thingies. You know the ones, the calculation thingie you would do in year 6 in PRIMARY school ha! Like this;

Alexandra Shipman
Hot Irish Guy Lecturer
Count the L's, O's, V's, E's and S' and equal them to how much you love each other in a percentage ;) hahah!
Gosh I love a bit of that game. More entertaining than the history of CRAP. Or philosophy to others.

Anyway, the other side of the room, consisted of people that just bugged the hell out of me, the kind of people that will laugh at the lecturer's jokes...when they weren't the slightest bit funny. They'd sit so close to the front their noses would be touching the lecturer's penis...they probably liked it. (both parties)
AND, the worst thing of all about these people, is that when the lecturer FINALLY says 'right that's it for today, does anyone have any questions?' there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS one twit that will put their hand up and ask the stupidest question known to man. Making everyone groan in pain, as you sit back into your chair and wait for their silly question to be answered so that you can leave.
Why is there always 1 nitwit that decides to ruin your day?


Won't Go Quietly

Moooooooorning, well....actually staying up late led to me being incredibly lazy and getting about 12 hours sleep last night. What is the deal with getting lots and lots of sleep and then feeling like you're coming down with something the next day? So odd. It's like when you take a nap...yes they are amazing...but after I always feel like shit! Seems this blog was a good idea for myself as I can't stop my mindless babbling!
Decided to turn my already lazy day into a full-on stay-in-bed-eating-crap-and-writing day. Because those are the best kinds and I must rest up for my night at work tonight, well, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

I'm wondering if this is the time to give you no bodies my twitter address to get a bit more a feel for what I'm about...but I generally have just used twitter to moan about people that don't have it, seeing as everyone has facebook, I can't moan about them there haha! But anyhoo;


Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Under The Sheets

1.49am and I'm not tired yet, typing is addictive and since the age of about 16 I've been able to touch-type. It's scary how your mind remembers where the keys are for your fingers to touch...freaking myself out right now... haha.
I've realised I should probably add some photos to the blogposts I've already done but I will definitely go back and do that...

This will sound soo egotistical but I loooove writing about myself and my family and friends...there's something quite lovely about boasting about them all when they don't have a clue.

Also...not sure how this will even get read by a single soul as I havn't posted it any where and I'm not sure how any one would even go about trying to find it...mwahahha.


Shine On

Where do I start about my two little brothers...both in themselves, con artists and wind-up merchants.
We're all three years apart, so I am 20, Liam is 17 and Jack is it's a bit awkward when getting along well together because we're not so close in age that we quite understand each other's moodswings etc. But we generally share the same stupid sense of humour that helps us get along!

Liam is one of the most frustrating people I have ever met in the whole wide world, no. Universe! His moodswings are like no other, and he can flip at the touch of a button. He honest-to-God scares the bejeeebas out of me sometimes, but for some reason I'm the only one that can calm him down when he's in a rage. My Mum once told me my Dad said 'I can't wait for Alex to get back from uni...she's so calm and chilled all the time, it makes the atmosphere in the house a lot more bearable' ahah, he would never say that to my face but it was appreciated through word-of-mouth!
Back to Liam, yes...he's a complete raging lunatic at times, and scares us all with his 'will he, won't he' temperament. But if he wasn't like that, he wouldn't be Liam, his personality is outrageous and hilarious and I wouldn't change him for the world. I love how he can twist any little word you say into an arguement and blow tiny arguements into enooormous blow-outs. It's great to be around a bit of drama yanno, and he is my little bit of drama! Liam is the middle kiddie, so there is an obvious stereotype there but he doesn't mean to do as he does, and only his family know that. He's incredibly vulnerable and loving, just deep deep deep down inside, and I know he would do anything for anyone he loves. He and Jack can make me laugh like no other.

And Jack....well, I actually do not know where to start, he is an absolute nutjob. And everyone that has ever met him would know this. He's random, and eccentric and so different to every one else, I love that about him. His hair completely defines him, it's long, messy and he will NEVER EVER have it cut by professionals, absolute nightmare! But Jack wouldn't be Jack without a huge mane of hair sticking out in every direction possible.
There is never a day when Jack isn't hyper and mental, making some kind of weird noise or facial expression, it's hilarious to watch and provoke. We sometimes say he could probably have tourettes and we'd never know because we just laugh at his randomness, because it's all just put on. He's also hilariously funny and is the comedian of the family, making everyone laugh and family dinners, especially Christmas! He could watch ANY Lee Evans stand up comedy show and know every single word off by heart because he just watches him over and over's oddly obsessive haha! Bless.

The realisation that I love them both to pieces is MAHUUUSIVE after writing this haha...

Radar Detector

10 minutes later and I'm already addicted to writing to no one, it's pretty exciting...nat.
But anyway, sitting in bed at home makes me want to tell you all (no one) about my pretty nutty family.

So firstly, my closest family are obviously the nutters that I am living with, the first being my beautiful Mum, who is also one of my best friends; we're weirdly similar (in looks and personalities) and any one that meets me that is friends with my Mum feels like they HAVE to tell me how similar we look, so I either look older than I should or it's a huge compliment to my Mum...probably the latter haha.
My Mum is one of those people that will go out of her way for any one, even if she didn't know them very well, and she is the person that everyone will go to for any kind of advice. She's a bit of a Princess Di hah! She'd smother me in kisses if she ever read this, I obviously don't say all of this to her face, that would be weird. But she knows I love her of course.
She has the same sense of humour as me and is also a bit slow at getting any jokes, admittedly like me too...we obviously prefer not to take life too seriously ;) well that's our excuse anyway.
Out of all my friends, I have never known any of them have a relationship with their Mum the way I do with mine, she's my absolute rock, at times she doesn't even realise she's helping just by being herself and that is what I love about her.

Moving on from my Mum, is my lovely Dad...(well sometimes grumpy/lovely Dad) but you know, they're all like that aren't they? My Mum and Dad are the most perfect couple I have ever known...even more perfect than Noah and Allie (The Notebook, obv) they reeeally amaze me sometimes, when they argue, it's the most hilarious thing, because after about 5 minutes they're laughing about something else. This post is making me miss them immensely because they're on holiday in St Lucia for their belated honeymoon (20 years belated might I add!) And it's all my fault ha! They didn't manage to go on a honeymoon because I was only a few months old after their wedding, so they're doing it now, and good for them! They definitely deserve the break from us, and even I can admit that haha.
Me and my Dad have always been a bit off and on, we're either best mates and laughing together at jokes, or shouting at each other because he's wound me up innocently about something (he knows just how to piss me do my brothers ugh!) but the one thing we can mainly agree on is MUSICCC. We're both huuuge lovers of music and have the same tastes in a lot of bands/singers. We went to see U2 together (I stole my Mum's ticket mwahaha) when I was...about 15? I can't actually remember what year it was, but I'll always remember how amazingly happy my Dad was at the gig, and it was actually the first time we'd gone out and done something together that we both enjoyed and it's a lovely memory to have!


Two Doors Down

So, it's 1.12am in the morning and I've only JUST decided to start writing my own blog. This is after reading sooo many amazing stories, reviews, general babble and amazing photographs on blogger...the internet's amazing ent it? 

I started a blog about a year ago, taking photos of clothes I'd just bought and little trinkets, soo after about 10 posts I got bored and didn't return to it...this one I intend to write in more regularly and about something a bit more interesting...keeping in consideration this is about my life, and something interesting may never happen! But you never know...!

I've also got a ridiculous blog formed from my first year at uni, but that was for studying purposes and for my lecturer to grade, I've changed my course now so that isn't useful to me at all any more. Haa, I guess so many websites and blogs are created and abandoned in a matter of weeks! 
This blog's going to be different, because for the first time I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm going to use it for...but for now, it's going to be my diary, a secret diary that no one even knows about yet. Which is kind of oddly thrilling ha!

And if someone does eventually read this, and you're wondering what my blog titles mean, I've basically got my iTunes constantly on shuffle, so whatever song I'm listening to will be the title of each blogpost. If you're thinking I'm some indie kid trying to be cool, you've got me wrong, I'm definitely just too lazy to be bothered to think up some philosophical meaning to each blogpost title. 

So that's me!